Tinged with sorrow

Every year, my birthday approaches and I am filled with a mixture of anticipation and sorrow.  Anticipation for my birthday on one hand, but on the other hand, sorrow for my family’s loss on this day 19 years ago.

When I was little, my mom had a baby girl who was born 3 months prematurely.  Alyssa Michelle was born March 11, the day before my birthday.  She only lived for 1 hour.  I never held her, never saw her, never truly understood at the time what had occurred.  Even to this day, we still don’t talk about it very much.

That year, I don’t remember celebrating my birthday.  I’m sure we did, but I it’s not a birthday that sticks in my mind.  So every year, my birthday is tinged with sadness.  My parents tried not to let it affect my birthday celebrations, but I’d catch the absentminded looks, the shared glances, the pained faces.  We quietly move past March 11 into March 12 and do all of the normal birthday things, but it’s different.

The past affects the present, although as time passes, the pain subsides.  But it’s still there.  It still lingers.

Slice of Life

Thanks to Two Writing Teachers for creating a place for writers to share their work and hosting the March Slice of Life Story Challenge!

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4 thoughts on “Tinged with sorrow

  1. First Happy Birthday, and please know you have an angel with you and watching over you at all time. Your sister wants nothing more than for you to be happy and to live life. I lost my son 18 years ago (January). He was stillborn. Your last sentence holds so true for me. Thank you for sharing something so personal, and know you’re not alone. I hope you were able to do something special on this day.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your sensitivity to your sister’s death after all these years and how it stays with you is both moving and sorrowful. The piece shows how the power of a memory can truly impact our life experience indefinitely. I’m not sure if the sorrow is a comfort in some way, but I can’t help but hope that one day you may have a birthday that celebrates your life and existence without that twinge of sorrow. Happy Birthday!

    Liked by 1 person

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